the essence

I hate sports. The only one I enjoy watching on tv is basketball but other than that it drives me crazy when football is interrupting regular programming.

I was home Friday night just relaxing & thought I'd turn on Law & Order when it came on at 10:00, it was on the NBC schedule. Instead, when I turned on the tv is was a Bucs game. And not even a real game, one of those pre-season things. I started semi-yelling at the tv, "Why is this stupid Bucs game on? It's only pre-season & this wasn't on the schedule! If people want to watch football they should order ESPN!" Hormones!

Even if I think those things I'm usually pretty good at keeping them inside. (And people wonder why I always get a little happy when the Bucs lose.) Good thing Ray isn't into sports.

Ray's probably just glad that hormonal outbursts like that haven't really been directed at him. They usually seem to happen if I get too tired so I just try to go to bed.

I did start bawling horribly after my prenatal appointment on Wednesday. We had confirmed with the midwife that we were going to do a homebirth. But, when we told the receptionist she said that their clinical director was no longer allowing first time moms to do a homebirth & that they were actually going to talk about it at their meeting the next day (they only have one midwife on call so if she's in the middle of a delivery I'd have to go to the birthing center anyway. I guess they don't want to run the risk of someone delivering on their own if they ahven't done it before).

I couldn't help it & started crying right there because I was so disappointed. I had been so excited about the homebirth & kept crying in the car. Even though I knew I wasn't being completely rational with how upset I was I just couldn't seem to help it. But, the birthing center is the next best thing so we can just plan a homebirth with the next baby.

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