Lately I've really been able to tell that whether or not I have a good day or a bad day is largely based on Addisons' attitude. Those who see us often are aware that we've been having behavioral issues with her; she'll throw herself on the ground & throw huge tantrums complete with screaming & kicking. She yells horribly. She shouts "no" & "stop" over & over many times without a reason. We've tried so many different disciplinary techniques, right down to completely ignoring her during an outburst (that one seems to have the greatest effect) but nothing has really made much of a change.
In writing it doesn't sound as bad as it can be to experience it. I always figured that with proper training kids would be obedient & not throw those kinds of fits (that's how I was!), especially not out in public. But, lately, she's been getting more bold & behaving that way when we're out, too. And, quite frankly, there's absolutely nothing that will stop it. I leave the store & wait outside with her to cool off - usually this means talking to her & praying with her but it usually starts up again when we go back in (& I'm there because I need to get things). If you've seen her fits you know what I'm talking about.
There's some strange tics thrown in there, too, enough that we're planning to take her to the doctor to see if it's anything more than just tantrums.
Anyway, I didn't plan to write all of that but, it brings me to the fact that lately we've had some pretty good days. Actually, the past week has overall been quite good. Very few out bursts at home & none in public. I've been dreading going out alone with all of the kids lately because it was getting so bad. Four different stops, tantrums each time we'd be out of the car (including in front of everyone at dance class!)...it was emotionally & mentally exhausting.
It's difficult enough getting three kids in & out of their car seats but I also refuse to chicken out & constantly stay at home. Praise the Lord things are going well right now! I really do attribute this change to prayer, there's a profound difference when I remember to actively pray about this situation.
Yesterday I had to make a return at the mall & they have a little "old west" outdoor play area. Addison couldn't wait to play & before I knew it we'd been out for two hours! Two hours that were so good that even though it was lunch time I was even able to go to the grocery store on our way home.
(You can't see it in the photo but Addison's jeans had some sparkle on them & her shirt had a little rhinestone heart. After getting dressed she excitedly told me that her outfit was "fancy!" She really does crack me up!)
This morning I had to drop off some friends at the airport which is close to the law firm I used to work at. I hadn't seen everybody in nearly two years so I made a last minute visit. Then, I was so close to IKEA that I couldn't pass up stopping there. Really we have a kids' birthday party this Saturday & I knew a nice inexpensive gift could be found there. IKEA is so close to downtown that we then met Ray on his lunch break.
I'm just so, so thankful that we've been having a better week. I even had a report from a non-family member that Addison was one of the best behaved kids in Sunday School this past week! It so encourages me to hear those things. I really struggle with my own feelings when she acts up - is it my parenting? Is there something just wrong with her? And the feeling that she's acting like one of the kids you never want around & I'm just waiting for play date invites to stop coming. (Not that my friends have ever made me feel that way, they've actually been very encouraging for me but it's my own fears coming out) there are days I'm in tears and at a complete loss as to what to do & worried about her as well.
Well, that is NOT where I planned to go with this blog post, I was just going to write about our good days lately. But, now you know WHY they've been good days.
Oh, another good day happening: out of the blue Trish called today to see if I'd like her to stop by to watch the kids for an hour so I could go run errands alone! I couldn't take her up on the offer but just knowing it could've been an option to go out alone in the middle of the day like that made me so happy!
4 comments :
So glad you are having a good week! Just wanted to encourage you to keep going to the Lord with your daughter's behavioral issues. He will give you the strength, patience, and wisdom you need. I will be praying for you, too! Keep us posted on what the doctor says. Who knows? It could be linked to diet or humidity or something. I have an emotional child, and the state where he would throw himself on the floor in a tantrum has passed, and he has made a lot of progress, but I think he will always be more emotional. And I'm confident the Lord will use that for His purposes! The Lord knows what He was doing when He knit each one of us together. Just wanted to pop in from my reader and let you know I do read your blog and encourage you in your role as a mama. :)
I was going to suggest that it may be something in her diet as well. Our oldest did the same thing... I called her my little girl "with the curl in the middle of her forehead, when she was good, she was very very good, but when she was bad, she was horrid!"
It turns out that Sara was allergic to all food dyes and as soon as we cut them out (red 40, yellow 5 and 6, etc) her behavior was UNBELIEVABLY different.
You can find out if this is the case by tracking her diet for 10 days and writing down behaviors... it can take an hour to 12 -24 hours for the food culprit to take effect, though. If you see a pattern, I would see if that's your cause.
Praying for you guys. I know it's frustrating and you (Jess) are doing everything right that you can, so don't beat yourself up. :)
Thanks, Ladies! Diet is one suggestion I've been looking into. I have some friends who had children with similar issues, right down to one girl who could be angelic at times & at others she stabbed her mom in the bag with a pencil! T
hey do the "Feingold" diet which is the same idea of eliminating those processed foods & such. They've seen huge improvements. I'm waiting for the book "Is This Your Child?" (recommended by one of those friends) which helps in determining if diet is contributing to the poor behavior.
its her age. thats what D did, thats what my friends' girls did. theres something about 3 and a half. twos are nothing compared to 3 and a half. we experienced food thowing (what?! my child doesnt throw food) SCREAMING until he couldnt anymore. purposeful potty "accidents" when he knew we wanted him to obey us. having to leave walmart with a cart full of groceries sitting in the aisle.
i chalked it up to HUGE brain growth because whenever D went through one of these periods (usually lasted about 3 weeks) he would come out of it with a brand new skill.
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