the essence

2003 Darwin Award Winner

These awards are given each year to bestow upon (the remains of) that
individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most
to remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool. Just think...
until these events, these same people were walking the streets like
normal people.

Now, THIS YEAR'S WINNER:
(The late) John Pernicky and his friend, (the late) Sal Hawkins, of the
great state of Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica concert
at the George Washington amphitheater. Having no tickets (but having
had 18 beers between them), they thought it would be easy to "hop" over
the nine foot fence and sneak into the show.

They pulled their pickup truck over to the fence and the plan was for
Mr. Pernicky, who was 100 pounds heavier than Mr. Hawkins) to hop the
fence and then assist his friend over. Unfortunate for (the late) Mr.
Pernicky, there was a 30-foot drop on the other side of the fence.
Having heaved himself over, he found himself crashing through a tree.
His fall was abruptly halted (and broken, along with his arm) by a large
branch that snagged him by his shorts. Dangling from the tree with a
broken arm, he looked down and saw some bushes below him. Possibly
figuring the bushes would break his fall, he removed his pocket knife
and proceeded to cut away his shorts to free himself from the tree.

Finally free, Mr. Pernicky crashed into holly bushes. The sharp leaves
scratched his ENTIRE body and now, without the protection of his
shorts, a holly branch penetrated his rectum. To make matters worse, on
landing his pocket knife penetrated his thigh.

Hawkins, seeing his friend in considerable pain and agony, threw him a
rope and tried to pull him to safety by tying the rope to the pickup
truck and slowly driving away. H owever, in his drunken haste/state, he
put the truck into reverse and crashed through the fence landing on his
friend and killing him. Police arrived to find the crashed pickup with
its driver thrown 100 feet from the truck and dead at the scene from
massive internal injuries.

Upon moving the truck, they found John under it half-naked, scratches
on his body, a holly stick in his rectum, a knife in his thigh, and his
shorts dangling from a tree branch 25 feet in the air.

Congratulations gentlemen, you win...